


Wished Away

by hextrals



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Immortality, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Wishes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:54:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25871677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hextrals/pseuds/hextrals
Summary: At 18 years old, Oikawa Tooru made a wish that changed the rest of his life- leaving him to stay the same age for the next 100 years. That is until he meets Iwaizumi Hajime.
Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 4
Kudos: 64





	Wished Away

**Author's Note:**

> this fic was so much fun to write. it's the first fic i've had a lot of motivation for in a while, i'm afraid it ended up being a bit more fast paced than i intended but other than that i'm really happy with the way it turned out.

_"and for my wish....", he thought, tapping his pen against his chin. Finally making a decision, he wrote "I wish to never age unless I am truly happy"_

That had been roughly 100 years ago now. Oikawa had made that wish because he figured, like many others that had written on an ema before, his wish would’ve been left ungranted. He hadn't accounted for the fact that maybe someone out there would deem his wish acceptable and grant it to him. If he’d even suspected it would come true, he wouldn’t have written it.

So here he sat, celebrating his 119th birthday. Being 19 for your whole life isn't all it's cracked up to be.

He'd had one real birthday since his wish- a year of bliss with a face he couldn't remember, no matter how desperately he clinged to the memories. The whispers in the dark, the secret hideouts in back corners...

Then she'd died. Sick with the spanish flu. Nothing to save her. And so Oikawa stayed 19. He'd filled his life with meaningless things. Drugs and drinks had no effect. So instead he resorted bodies to numb his pain. The loss of someone you love- is worse than any eternity.

He'd tried to find love, to find someone that made him as happy as Shinobu had. Funny, although her name meant “remember” he couldn’t recall a single thing about her. The name was all he had left- no memories, no face, nothing. Just a name.

Oikawa shook his head and looked in the mirror. He’d almost forgotten how much he despised new schools. Almost.

"Another year, another move, another school, another life." He said, repeating the same phrase he'd coined back in the 30s. If he stayed in one place for two long then someone would realize he wasn't aging. "Maybe this will finally be the year." he mumbled, walking towards the unfamiliar building.

It never was. But he refused to give up.

"I'll be happy this time around. Truly." he had to be. If this wasn’t the year- he’d give up. Let himself waste away in some forgotten corner of the world until he- “ow!”

He found himself on the ground, dazed and confused. 

“The hell are you saying ow for? You ran into me.” Oikawa looked up and was confronted by a very muscular boy, extending his hand. Oikawa took it and the boy pulled him up. 

“That was my bad, lost in thought I guess.” He said with a sheepish grin. “I’m Oikawa. Oikawa Tooru.” 

“Iwaizumi Hajime. You need to learn to watch where you’re going.” he said, a tinge of annoyance in his voice. “But, I was looking for you anyway.” Oikawa raised an eyebrow.

“Why were you looking for me?” he asked, dusting off his pants.

“You’re new, aren’t you? I’m supposed to show you around, take you to your classes and shit. Now come on, we’re gonna be late.” The next thing Oikawa knew, a rough calloused hand was grabbing his own and dragging him down the crowded hall. As the wove through the hallway Oikawa was struck by how familiar Iwaizumi was. He had no idea why, but something about his face felt like someone he’d met before. 

“What are you staring at, pretty boy? If you don’t start moving we’ll never get there. You have legs for a reason.” Iwaizumi said, still dragging Oikawa behind him.

“You could always just carry me, you’re clearly strong enough.” Oikawa teased, a smile on his face. Iwaizumi dropped his hand and made a quick stop, causing Oikawa to run into him again.

“We’re here, after you your highness.” Iwaizumi said, mock bowing and sweeping his arm toward the classroom. Oikawa rolled his eyes and walked in, Iwaizumi close behind him. “This way.” he tugged Oikawa toward the back of the class where two boys were sitting, one with pinkish-brown hair and the other with… very large eyebrows.

“Hanamaki, Matsukawa, this is Oikawa Tooru, the new guy I got stuck with.”

“Sup, I’m Matsukawa Issei,” eyebrows said, a lazy smile on his face. “That’s Hanamaki Takahiro. So you’re the one everyone's buzzing about huh?” 

“I can understand why, he’s a pretty boy. Aye Iwaizumi, does he have the personality of a pretty boy?” Pink hair asked, leaning back in his chair. They were both so carefree, it almost made Oikawa feel sick.

“Oh absolutely. The first thing he did was run straight into me, didn’t even apologize.” Iwaizumi said, taking the seat in front of eyebrows. “Sit down, Shittykawa. Class starts soon.”

“I- but where?” Pink hair tapped the seat in front of him. 

“Right here dumbass. Saved it for you and everything.” he said, a grin on his face. This was either going to be the best or the worst time Oikawa had had in ages- and for the first time in a while, he felt genuinely excited. He slid into the seat in front of Hanamaki and put his bag down. 

He hadn’t realized that he had zoned out until Hanamaki kicked him under his chair.

“Oikawa.” he hissed, “the teacher’s asking you a question.” Oikawa blinked a few times and looked up to see a less than happy woman staring at him.

“Nice of you to join us, Oikawa. Now, I’ll ask again: what virus plagued the world between the years of 1918-1919?”

“The Spanish Flu.” he said immediately, unphased by the question. He’d lived through it after all. She quirked her lip, clearly displeased that he knew the answer.

“The age demographic?”

“Kids under 5, adults ages 20-40, and the elderly 65 and up.” He said easily. She ground her teeth. A smartass eh?

“What about the disease that ravaged the United States starting in June 1981?”

“AIDS/HIV, and roughly 675,000 people in the U.S. have died since the start of the epidemic... Is that all or are you going to continue to target me because you think I haven’t been listening?” Oikawa could see the vein in her forehead protruding and realized he might have pushed his luck.

“Be lucky it’s your first day, Oikawa. Or else you’d be in detention for the next two weeks.” she said, clenching her fist at her side and returning to the board to continue teaching. 

“Dude, are you just like wicked smart or something?” Matsukawa asked at the same time a hand collided with the back of Oikawa’s head. He turned to Iwaizumi wide eyed.

“What was that for?” he whispered, unable to mask his anger.

“You can’t just sass a teacher like that Trashykawa! What were you thinking?” Iwaizumi said, clearly frustrated. “It’s better to keep your mouth shut.”

“And have that hag make me look stupid? Absolutely not. I am incredibly smart I’ll have you know.” Oikawa replied defensively. After 119 years being alive you pick up a thing or two. “I can speak fluent French, English, Spanish, Japanese, and German.” 

“You cannot-” Hanamaki said, his eyes wide. The last few minutes of class was spent by Oikawa showing them that he could, in fact, speak five languages fluently. The whole time Hanamaki and Matsukawa were slack jawed in disbelief. Meanwhile Iwaizumi seemed overall unimpressed.

“You seem uninterested, Iwa-chan~ what, my talent doesn’t dazzle you?” Oikawa said, a lighthearted air to his voice. 

“Iwaizumi here can also speak English and Italian fluently, so maybe that’s why he’s acting all cool~” Matsukawa teased, poking his friend’s shoulder. Iwaizumi swatted his hand away and rolled his eyes.

“Your English is impressive, Oikawa.” Iwaizumi said, hating the way the vowels sounded in his throat. English wasn’t a particularly eloquent language, and it felt weird to speak it instead of his usual Japanese.

“Why thank you Iwa-chan, yours isn’t too bad either.” Oikawa replied, a smile on his face. Matsukawa and Hanamaki looked at each other for a moment before turning back to their friends.

“Hey, don't forget the monolinguists here.” Hanamaki said, playfully shoving Oikawa’s shoulder.

“Yeah, now what are we supposed to do if you two wanna trash talk us?” Matsukawa joked, smiling as he leaned back in his seat. 

“My dearest Makki and Mattsun- I suggest that you get over it.” Oikawa replied, unable to contain the grin that spread across his face. At the looks of confusion on their faces his smile quickly dropped- what had he done wrong? Sensing Oikawa’s panic Iwaizumi put a steady hand on his shoulder.

“Sorry Oiks- we just- no one has ever really given us nicknames before. Not even each other.” Hanamaki explained, a shy smile on his face. “I guess none of us ever really thought about it.”

“Oiks?” he hadn’t heard that one before. 

“Do you not like it? It was just the first thing I thought of, I’m sure we can come up with something better over time.” Hanamaki said, clearly embarrassed. The conversation was interrupted by the signal that it was time to change classes.

“No, I like it. I just- no one has called me Oiks in a really long time.” Oikawa said, unaware of how distant his eyes had gotten. Matsukawa waved a hand in front of his face.

“Dude? You still in there?” He asked, furrowing his brows. Iwaizumi snapped next to his ears and Oikawa snapped out of his trance.

“Huh? Yeah, sorry I’m fine.” He said, running a hand through his hair.

“Are you sure? You’re acting like you’re a hundred years old and some long lost love was the last person to call you that.” Iwaizumi teased, leading them all down the hall. “But of course that’s ridiculous- you don’t look a day over 18.” 

Oikawa’s blood ran cold. Iwaizumi was too close to the truth. He knew it had been a joke but-

“Jesus, Oikawa. You look really shaken. If it was what I said, I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to set something off.” Iwaizumi said, a concerned look on his face. 

“No, Iwaizumi it’s fine. I just don’t feel well. Is there a nurses office I can go to?” he asked. He felt like his head was spinning. Until it wasn’t. Iwaizumi had grabbed hold of his shoulder and his wrist, steadying him.

“Yeah, I’ll take you.” Iwaizumi said, moving his arm to rest under Oikawa’s and support him. “You’ll be fine.”

_\-----_

_“You’ll be fine, Shinobu. I got through it- it’s just a bad fever and a cough. You’ll be okay.” Oikawa said, trying his best not to look as scared as he felt._

_“Tooru, please. We both know my body isn’t strong enough to fight this off.” They replied, eyelids droopy. They’d been fighting the illness for weeks, but everyone around them could see it was useless. “I’m dying.”_

_Oikawa slammed his fist on the floor and let his head rest on the side of the bed. This couldn’t be happening._

_“You can’t leave me, Shin, you-” hot tears were streaming down Oikawa’s face. Why did this have to hurt so bad?_

_“You’re strong, my love. You’ll persevere without me. I know you will.” Shinobu said, raising their hand to hold Oikawa’s face. Despite the pain they were in, they were smiling. “Never forget.. that I love you.. and I’ll always be with... you…” with those final words their hand dropped and their chest stilled, leaving Oikawa scared and alone._

_“Shin? No, no no you can’t leave me! Shinobu!”_

_\-----_

Oikawa jerked up and looked around. Where was he? Why was it so dark? And why did his head hurt so bad?

“You had me scared for a minute there, Shitface.” Oikawa turned to see Iwaizumi reclined back with a book in his hand. “You were running a high fever and you ended up passing out on the way here. Are you sick or something?”

Oikawa blinked a few times. So it had been a dream… Oikawa sighed and shut his eyes. His head was pounding.

“Oh, here. The nurse told me to give you this when you woke up, it’s a low grade pain killer, it should ease the fever.” Iwaizumi handed Oikawa a glass of water and a small pill. Oikawa took them both and downed them. 

After a few moments of silence Iwaizumi cleared his throat. “Who’s Shinobu?”

Oikawa’s stomach dropped but he kept his face neutral. “An old friend of mine. She died a while back.” He said, keeping his eyes focused on his hands. Suddenly he felt strong arms wrap around his shoulders and he let out a soft gasp.

“I’m sorry…” Iwaizumi said softly, “no matter how much time passes, wounds like that still hurt.” Unconsciously, Oikawa leaned into Iwaizumi. He felt so comfortable and yet… he had no idea why. Iwaizumi dropped his arms after a moment, his face burning in the dark. “Are you okay? Do you want me to take you home?”

Oikawa nodded. His head felt foggy and his tongue felt thick. “Yes please.” he said softly, slowly swinging his legs over the side of the infirmary bed. Too familiar. Too much like those wards he’d had to stay in so long ago. Iwaizumi looped his arm around Oikawa’s back.

“C’mon, Hanamaki and Matsukawa are waiting.” Iwaizumi said, allowing Oikawa to rest most of his weight on him. “How do we get back to your house? Can we call your mom?”

“Mom’s dead. Dad’s dead. Don’t have a house.” Oikawa mumbled, barely staying conscious. Iwaizumi’s eyes went wide. Oikawa was.. so alone.

“Then you’re coming to my house.” He said, a tone of finality in his voice. 

“Wh- no, I can’t… intrude.” Oikawa said halfheartedly. The thought of living in a house… with people who cared for him… it’s a luxury he hasn’t had in years. Not since the last time he was in Japan almost 45 years ago.

“It’s not intruding, jackass. We have a guest bedroom you can use. I’m not letting you stay on the streets.” Iwaizumi hoisted Oikawa up a bit, readjusting his grip. “Do you have clothes or anything?”

“Rent a locker in the subway.” Oikawa said lazily, struggling to keep his eyes open. Iwaizumi sighed and shook his head.

“This clearly isn’t going to work. Get on my back.” He said, squatting slightly. Oikawa stood silently for a moment before getting on Iwaizumi’s back. He hadn't realized just how tired he was until now.

“You.. remind me of Shin.” Oikawa said softly, resting his head on Iwaizumi’s shoulder. “You look like her.” Iwaizumi let out a soft laugh.

“I look like a girl?” He asked, shifting Oikawa so that he would be more comfortable.

“No, no… you have the same eyes. Pretty and green…” Iwaizumi blushed and shook his head.

“If you keep complimenting me like this I’ll start to think you have a crush on me or something.” He said, a small smile on his face. Oikawa scrunched his nose. 

“No way. Boys can’t like other boys.” disgust lined Oikawa’s voice and Iwaizumi tried to ignore it, even if it hurt.

“Yeah, Oikawa. They can. It’s not something they can help.” He said softly, spotting Hanamaki and Matsukawa. “I know you’re probably just really out of it, but don’t say shit like that in front of Hanamaki and Matsukawa, it won’t go well for you.” Oikawa had fallen asleep on Iwaizumi’s back and Iwaizumi sighed. What a friend he’d made.

“Iwa! Is he alright?” Hanamaki asked, a concerned look on his face. “Oh, and here’s your class work.”

“Yeah you were gone most of the day, what happened?”

Iwaizumi sighed and shook his head, noticing the way his friend’s hands were laced together.

“He just got hit with a really bad fever out of nowhere. He was asleep in the nurse’s office, and he kept crying out and screaming in his sleep. Calling out for a ‘Shinobu’.” He explained. 

“Are you taking him home?” Matsukawa asked, clearly worried.

“That’s the thing… I don’t think he has one. He said his parents are dead and he doesn’t have a house, and when I asked him about clothes he said he rents a locker from the subway.” 

“So… what are you gonna do?”

“We have a guest bedroom that he can stay in. He probably needs new clothes and he definitely needs a shower.” Iwaizumi bumped Oikawa back up to keep him from slipping. “Matsukawa, can you give us a ride?”

Matsukawa nodded, dropping Hanamaki’s hand to grab his keys. They started walking again leaving Iwaizumi somewhat behind, struggling under the weight of Oikawa’s body. He heard Hanamaki laugh and he groaned.

“He’s heavier than he looks, alright!”

“Whatever you say, Captain.” Matsukawa laughed, draping an arm over Hanamaki’s shoulder. “I guess this means volleyball practice is cancelled today? Whatever will they do without their lovely leader?”

“They’ll make do without me.” Iwaizumi responded, sighing in relief when they reached Matsukawa’s car. “Do you think Oikawa would like volleyball?”

“I very much do.” Oikawa said sleepily, letting out a big yawn. “You can put me down now Iwa-chan.” Iwaizumi let Oikawa slide off his back, raking him over with a skeptical eye.

“You were out for a while, Shittykawa. Are you alright?” 

“I’m peachy! Thanks for asking.” Oikawa said, giving Iwaizumi a big smile. When he noticed the way Matsukawa and Hanamaki were holding each other his face dropped and he bit back a snarl. “Mattsun! Makki! Who’s driving?” He asked, interrupting their moment. Matsukawa spun his keys around his finger. 

“I’m the designated driver, give us a minute, yeah?” He asked, returning to his boyfriend. Oikawa felt sick. So they _were_ together. He moved to say something but then he felt Iwaizumi’s hand on his shoulder. When Oikawa saw the look on his face, whatever words he’d been planning to say died in his mouth.

“I wanted to blame what you said on your fever, but if you seriously have a problem with it then I don’t think I can let you stick around.” He said quietly, inches away from Oikawa’s ear. “They are my best friends and I’ll be damned if you say anything to hurt them. Understood?”

“They-” Oikawa started, wanting to get the last word in.

“Alright! Load her up boys, let's head home.” Matsukawa said, slapping the hood of his car.

“You better keep your shit remarks to yourself, Oikawa. Or it’s me you’ll answer to.” Iwaizumi warned, slipping into the backseat. Oikawa slid in next to him, all too aware of their proximity. 

“What a little car you drive, Mattsun.” Oikawa said, his knee knocking against Iwaizumi’s. Matsukawa laughed.

“Yeah she’s small, but she gets the job done. To and from.” He said, looking at Oikawa in the rearview. Oikawa almost made a comment but he could feel Iwaizumi’s eyes boring a hole in his head, so he bit his tongue.

“Matsukawa is the only one of us with a car, so he’s been tasked with driving us everywhere for the rest of his life.” Hanamaki said, an easy smile on his face.

“You? Yes. Iwaizumi? He’ll have to get his own car eventually.” Matsukawa teased, winking at Hanamaki. Hanamaki pretended to faint, his smile widening.

“What a sap you are, my dear.” He said, putting his hand on Matsukawa’s knee. 

“You love me and you know it, Hiro.” 

Oikawa rolled his eyes and swallowed the bitter taste in his mouth. _‘Disgusting_ ’ he thought. How Iwaizumi was so cool about this he couldn’t understand. His eyes cut over and his face set into a frown. _‘Maybe he’s like them too. A f-’_

“Oikawa. We’re here, come on.” Iwaizumi said, interrupting Oikawa’s train of thought. His eyes flitted across Iwaizumi’s face, but he couldn’t read it. He was so stony and even. Oikawa got out of the car and waved politely to Matsukawa and Hanamaki, masking the disdain he felt.

“How are you just- fine with them being the way they are?” Oikawa asked, entering Iwaizumi’s house and slipping off his shoes.

“Because they're my friends and it’s 2020, Oikawa, not 1920. Gay people exist. They’re allowed to exist and be happy.” Iwaizumi said, gritting his teeth. “Now drop it before I punch you, alright?”

Oikawa’s mouth snapped shut. This would be.. interesting.

“Hey ma! I’m home!” Iwaizumi called, motioning for Oikawa to follow him. They walked through the house to the kitchen, where Iwaizumi’s mother and younger sister were waiting. “Ma, this is Oikawa. Oikawa, this is my mom and my little sister, Kaiya.”

“Nice to meet you! I’m Oikawa Tooru!” He said with a smile, extending his hand for Iwaizumi’s mom to shake.

“It’s a pleasure. Hajime honey, why didn’t you tell me we’d have company?” She asked, a stern lilt in her voice. Iwaizumi rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.

“I tried calling but no one answered.” Iwaizumi lowered his voice so only his mom could hear. “Mom, he doesn't have anywhere to go. He’s an orphan, and I’m pretty sure the only clothes he owns are the school uniform. No one is staying in the guest room so I just figured that-”

“Of course! He can stay with us as long as he likes.” 

“Only if he lets me make him pretty like Hanamaki and Matsukawa!” Kaiya said enthusiastically, a wide grin on her face.

“Kai,” Iwaizumi said, his tone serious, “he doesn’t have to if he doesn’t want to, okay?” The 6 year old’s face fell and she nodded.

“Sorry Haji.” She said dejectedly, kicking her feet against the table. Iwaizumi chuckled and picked her up, swinging her onto his shoulders.

“Hey, what’d I say about pouting, kiddo?” 

“I’ll get big ugly frown lines like Mr. Washijou from Shiratorizawa Academy.”

“That’s right! Do you want to look like a wrinkly old man?” He teased, gently tickling her sides. She shook her head as laughter bubbled from her lips.

“No! No I wanna be tall and pretty like Hanamaki.” She said, a smile on her face. Oikawa bit back a snide remark. She was only a child after all.

“Hey ma, I’m gonna take Oikawa to his room and get him some clean clothes.” Iwaizumi said, grabbing Oikawa’s sleeve and pulling him towards the stairs. At the top of the stairs on the left was the room he’d be staying in. It wasn't too small nor was it too big. It was cozy.

“Thank you for letting me stay here, Iwaizumi.” Oikawa said, sitting on the edge of the bed. “You really didn't have to.”

“Don’t think twice about it. You’re my friend now, and I wasn't just going to let you sleep in the streets.” Iwaizumi replied, rummaging through the closet. “There is something I’ve been meaning to ask you though.”

“What’s up?” Oikawa asked, leaning forward to get a better look at Iwaizumi. He was so muscular and broad. Interesting.

“How come you showed up on the last day of the term? Why not just wait until fall?” He said, straightening up. He turned around, two blankets in his arms. “These are the best blankets we’ve got right now, I hope they're enough.”

Oikawa sighed, taking the blankets and laying them across the bed. “I’ve moved schools every few years on my birthday. Figured this year shouldn’t be any different-” The next thing he knew, Iwaizumi’s hand was colliding with the back of his head. “Hey! That hurt!”

“It’s your birthday and you didn’t say anything!?” Iwaizumi exclaimed, an incredulous look on his face. 

“You didn’t ask!” Oikawa said defensively.

“We’re going out tonight- That is as long as you can play nice.” Iwaizumi’s face had an air of warning to it, enough to send a chill down Oikawa’s spine.

“I’ll keep my mouth shut.” He promised, mock saluting. Iwaizumi rolled his eyes.

“How old are you turning anyway?”

“One hundred and nineteen~” Oikawa cooed, a wide smile on his face. 

“Nice joke,” Iwaizumi scoffed, “so I’m guessing just nineteen then?” 

Oikawa sighed. He wished it was his first 19th birthday. He wished it was just a joke. The world got lonely when you had to leave your friends every few years or watch them grow old without you. He’d been through so many cycles of friends and over the last couple of years it had really started to weigh on him. The thought that he’d be alone for the rest of time-

“Shittykawa! Hello??” Iwaizumi was trying to get Oikawa’s attention, and he looked really concerned. Oikawa shook his head and let out a breath.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to zone out on you.” He said with a lighthearted smile.

“I thought you were gonna pass out again dude. Are you sure you’re alright?” 

“Yeah, I just have a tendency to get lost in my own head. Nothing to worry about!” Iwaizumi gave him a concerned look and sighed.

“Alright, Loserkawa. Whatever you say.”

“Rude Iwa-chan! So… where are you taking me tonight? Is it some fancy restaurant?” Oikawa asked. He was very intrigued with what Iwaizumi would choose.

“Oh no, something much much better.” Iwaizumi said, a wicked grin on his face.

“What’s better than a fancy dinner?” 

“You’ll see.”

\-----

_“Bowling?!”_ Oikawa exclaimed. This was so not better than a nice dinner.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing!” Hanamaki said with a laugh. “Come on, it’ll be fun.”

“Yeah, loosen up Oiks. It’ll be a good time- what better way to celebrate turning 19!” Iwaizumi said, his smile sinister. Hanamaki and Matsukawa’s heads whipped around.

“Oikawa it’s your birthday!?” Hanamaki said, his eyes wide. “I thought we were just having some quality bonding time with the new guy!” 

Oikawa looked at Iwaizumi and slit his eyes. _‘You’re an asshole.’_ He mouthed. Iwaizumi winked and turned back to the lanes. 

“So who's up first?” He asked, putting his hands on his hips. Matsukawa slapped his back and let out a loud laugh.

“Well Captain, you’re the reigning bowling champion, so why don’t you go first?” Matsukawa said. Iwaizumi chuckled. 

“Alright, Matsukawa. Lets see if you’ll miss all the pins again.” He teased, grabbing one of the balls and checking the number. “This should work.” He walked up to the lane and took a deep breath before sending the ball down the lane with more force than Oikawa had ever seen. 

“Of course you get a strike in the first round of the game.” Hanamaki complained, rolling his eyes.

“You’re just bitter that you suck at bowling.” Iwaizumi shot back, a triumphant smirk on his face.

“Not true!” 

“It’s kinda true…” 

“Issei! You’re supposed to be on my side!” Hanamaki said, pouting at his boyfriend. “Do you not love me anymore?” Matsukawa rolled his eyes and pressed a kiss to the top of Hanamaki’s head.

“Of course I love you, stupid. You’re just a shit bowler.” Hanamaki’s frown deepened and he smacked Matsukawa’s shoulder.

“You’re so mean to me.”

“Like you don’t deserve it.” 

Oikawa had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. As he was about to start conversation, Iwaizumi’s phone started ringing. He looked at the ID and let out a soft breath.

“I’ve got to take this, Oikawa, play for me.” He said, moving to walk away. He paused for a second before calling over his shoulder. “And don't screw up!”

Matsukawa groaned and sat down, running a hand through his hair.

“Who was that?” Oikawa asked, watching as Makki’s ball slowly rolled down the lane and bounced off the rails as it made its way down.

“My guess? Either his ex or his dad.” Mattsun said, picking at the leather of his seat. Oikawa tilted his head.

“He didn’t peg me as the dating type.” Oikawa said, raising an eyebrow. “And what’s wrong with his dad?”

“He wasn’t. Not until Mikasa. She ruined him.” Makki said, returning to his seat next to Matsukawa. “He really loved her. I think he still does, somewhere in that steel trap heart of his.” 

“So he hasn't been with anyone since?”

“Nah. They broke up in the middle of last school year after being together for all of middle school.” Mattsun explained, shaking his head.

“Five years?!” 

“Yep. She broke up with him on their anniversary, too. It really fucked him up. I think he’s just afraid to try again.” 

“...and what about his dad?” Oikawa asked, unsure what territory he was about to enter. Matsukawa and Hanamaki looked between each other and Hanamaki sighed.

“It’s a long story. He’ll tell you if he wants to.” He said, rocking back in his chair. Iwaizumi walked back down and looked between them. 

“Did you three just stop playing entirely?” He asked, giving them a questioning look.

“It’s boring without you, cap.” Matsukawa said with an easy smile. “So what was that about?”

“Ah, it was just Daichi. He asked if we wanted to join them for a training camp next week. I know it’s summer break, but-”

“If you think it’s what’s best then hell yeah. We’ve gotta whip the first years into shape before we graduate. This one too.” Hanamaki said with a laugh, slapping Oikawa on the shoulder. “You said you play, right? What position?”

“I was a setter.” Oikawa couldn’t help the disdain in his voice. He hadn’t played volleyball in years despite his love for the game. Too much press. Too many pictures.

“What a coincidence! Our setter is currently injured and unable to play. We’d love it if you filled in.” Iwaizumi shot him a cheeky grin and it made Oikawa feel… odd.

“Oi, Iwa,” Matsukawa said, catching his friend’s attention. “Is Akaashi going to be at the training camp?” 

“Yes, as a matter of fact, he is. Why, are you jealous?” Iwaizumi responded, sending Matsukawa a joking wink. Oikawa felt something pool in his stomach. Anger maybe? He couldn’t quite tell.

“Oh absolutely. You dated Akaashi Keiji and now you’re hanging out with lowly guys like us? How can we be worthy-”

“Oh shut up Matsukawa, you were my friends before I even met Keiji. Besides he was in love with someone else and I-” Iwaizumi looked towards Oikawa quickly before returning to his other friends, “I was still working through things. It just wasn’t a good time for us. It’s better for us to just be friends.”

“Hey you four! Lanes are closing, you don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here.” One of the workers said, motioning towards the doors.

“Oh shit, sorry Tai!” Iwaizumi called, grabbing his wallet off the table. 

“It’s fine, Haji. Boss has just gotten more strict recently.” 

“Ah okay. Well, thanks for letting us play anyway. See you around!” Iwaizumi said, ushering his friends outside. Once they got outside they all stopped and looked up at the sky. The moon was full and even though it was summer, there was still a bit of chill in the air. Iwaizumi slung an arm over Oikawa’s shoulder and ruffled his hair. “Happy birthday, Oikawa. I hope we made it count.” 

“You did,” Oikawa replied, unable to stop the smile that was spreading on his face, “more than any birthday I’ve had in years.” 

\-----

“Hey Shittykawa! Get up! Or did you forget about the training camp?” Iwaizumi boomed, throwing a pair of shorts and a tshirt at him. “Hurry up and get ready, Matsukawa’s gonna be here in 45 minutes.”

Oikawa groaned and rubbed his eyes. After they’d gotten back on Friday after bowling Oikawa had taken a shower and crawled into bed. He’d woken up for about an hour on Saturday to eat and then had fallen back asleep. He hadn’t had a real, comfortable bed in years.

“Fuck it’s already Monday?” He said pushing himself into a sitting position. How long had he been sleeping?

“Yep. Now quit dragging your feet!” Iwaizumi left and went to the bathroom to get ready. “My mom made you breakfast. It’s on the table downstairs.” 

Oikawa rolled out of bed and made his way down stairs. There was a bowl of miso soup on the counter and Oikawa sat in front of it, eating it swiftly before cleaning his dish and setting it in the drying rack. 

“If I’d have known you were such a slowpoke I would’ve woken you up an hour ago Oikawa!”

“Some of us need our beauty sleep Iwa-chan!” Oikawa said, making his way back up the stairs.

“Then you should probably sleep for about 100 more years.” Iwaizumi said, peeking his head back into the room. “You still haven't gotten dressed?”

“Elegance takes time, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa rolled his eyes and pulled his shirt off, grabbing the one Iwaizumi had thrown at him. It smelled like him.

“We’re playing volleyball not walking the runway-” Iwaizumi was interrupted by the sound of a car horn. “Matsukawa’s here. Do you need to borrow some tennis shoes too?”

“Do you have any that’ll fit me? Your feet are pretty.. small.” Oikawa teased. Iwaizumi tossed a pair of older shoes to Oikawa, hitting him in the chest.

“You can keep those, and for our team's sake I hope your reactions in game are better than that. Now come on! Matsukawa gets cranky if you keep him waiting.”

They made their way downstairs and outside. It was a lot brighter than Oikawa had expected, and he couldn’t help but shield his eyes.

“Get in losers! It’s training time.”

\-----

Oikawa had never been to a real training camp. Not like this one anyway. The ceiling was tall and the gym itself was huge- he was awestruck. As he followed Iwaizumi to Seijoh’s warm up section he caught a flash of silver hair. 

“There’s no way…” he muttered, shaking his head. “No way he’d be in high school still, so who-”

“What?” Iwaizumi said, glancing over. Oikawa turned red and shook his head.

“Nothing, nothing. Just thinking out loud.” Iwaizumi gave him a skeptical look and sighed.

“Okay. Whatever you say. Now come on, we have to warm up for the practice match against Karasuno.” 

Oikawa trailed behind Iwaizumi as he led him to the rest of their team. They were all fairly tall, some more intimidating than others. It was interesting to see how much the general height of a high schooler had changed over the years.

“Alright, listen up! We have a practice game against Karasuno first. Now, they’re a tough opponent but nothing we haven’t faced before. Watch out for number 10 but don’t let him throw you off.” Iwaizumi looked so… confident. Almost like this was where he truly belonged. It brought a small smile to Oikawa’s face. “Also! This,” Iwaizumi gave him a slap on the back, “is Oikawa Tooru. He’s joining our team. This week he’ll be a stand in for Yahaba as our setter. After that we’ll have to figure out where to put him.”

“Can he even set?” One of the boys asked. His hair kind of made him look like an onion. Iwaizumi pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Yes, Kindaichi. Oikawa was a setter at his old school and from what I’ve heard he was incredible. Always brought out the best in everyone he played with.” Oikawa raised an eyebrow. Had Iwaizumi looked into him, or was he just bullshitting to get this kid off his ass?

“Sorry captain.”

As they warmed up, Oikawa realized just how long it had been since he last played volleyball competitively. His wrists ached in a familiar way, one that made him feel at home. In contrast, the pain in his knee was not something he was expecting. Either way he wouldn’t let it affect his performance on the court. Oikawa stood straight and started walking, wincing at the pressure.

“Hey, shitface! Is your knee bothering you?” Iwaizumi called out, walking toward Oikawa. Oikawa sighed and shook his head.

“How did you know?” He asked, flashing back to the day he hurt it. He’d been playing volleyball with Shinobu behind their school and had tripped, straining the muscles and tendons connected to his knee, but how would Iwaizumi know that? “I thought it wouldn’t bother me but I guess I haven’t been very active as of late.” He explained, closing his eyes and running a hand down his face. At the feeling of something hitting his chest he opened his eyes.

“I just had a feeling, I guess. Have those knee pads. The white one’s designed to support knee injuries, so put that on the knee that’s bothering you.” Iwaizumi said, giving him a small smile. “Can’t have you underperforming in your first game.” 

Before Oikawa knew it the first set was starting and he was once again being haunted by the flashes of silver hair. He’d been informed that he was Karasuno’s unofficial setter, replaced by a genius first year.

“His name is Sugawara Koushi. He’s a third year, like us. Really kind guy, incredibly level headed.” Matsukawa said, stretching out his shoulder. “He’s predictable, but he’s still a damn good setter.” 

“We’re receiving first boys, now get ready.” Iwaizumi looked so determined. It suited him. Oikawa sunk into a receiving position and took a deep breath. Time to show them what he could do. The sound of the ball thudding against someone’s arms echoed in his ears and Oikawa’s body moved of its own accord. He looked quickly at the ball and then at the open spikers. Across the court he locked eyes with Iwaizumi. The ball graced against his fingertips and he shot it straight towards Iwaizumi. The perfect hit. 

Hearing the sound of the ball hit the floor was something Oikawa hadn’t realized he had missed. Yet here he was, left wide eyed and excited.

“Nice, Oikawa!” Oikawa’s head jerked up and he saw his teammates staring at him. They all looked proud, especially Iwaizumi. He felt his heart soar. Here on this court, with these people, this was home. 

“Serves up Hanamaki! Make it a good one!” Matsukawa called. Oikawa let out a quick breath. Now the real fun was just beginning.

The rest of the game went by faster than Oikawa had remembered. He’d messed up a few times, especially when they swapped out their hot headed first year setter, but Seijoh still took the overall victory. He kept getting distracted by the familiar face and as they shook hands across the net, their eyes met and Oikawa was thrown into a memory.

\-----

_“Itsuki! Get down from there, you’re going to hurt yourself!” Oikawa said, grabbing the young boy off the counter._

_“Mean Oikawa-san! You never let me do anything fun.” Itsuki responded, sticking out his lower lip and making his eyes big. Oikawa chuckled._

_“That’s because, little Sugawara, I am in charge. Imagine what your mom would do to me if I let you get hurt.” Oikawa ruffled Itsuki’s silver hair and smiled. “But between you and me, I’ll let you eat ice cream before dinner if you’re nice.”_

_“Really?” the boy said excitedly. Oikawa let out a soft laugh._

_“Yeah, kid. I promise.”_

_\-----_

“Sugawara?” he said quietly, his eyes wide. Suga gave him a questioning look.

“Yeah, that’s me. Do I know you?” he asked, ducking under the net. Oikawa burned red and shook his head.

“No, sorry uh- my family knew your dad a while back. He was a good friend. How is he?” Oikawa asked, his mind still drifting to the little boy he had babysat. Sweet little Itsuki-

“He passed away a few years ago.” Suga responded, running a hand through his hair. “He got bone cancer, in the end no matter how many marrow transplants and surgeries he went through nothing was helping. He wanted to go out on his own terms.” 

“Oh, I-I’m so sorry.” Oikawa said, heart shattering. Yet another person he’d been destined to outlive, and someone as spirited and kind as Itsuki.

“It’s alright, I’m healing. Are you sure we haven’t met? You look oddly familiar.” Suga said, tilting his head.

“I’m sure. My name is Oikawa Tooru, it’s nice to meet you.” Oikawa extended his hand. Suga shook it with a smile. 

“Sugawara Koushi.” 

\-----

The rest of the training camp went by in a blur, but Oikawa and Sugawara continued to grow closer. They had a lot of shared interests and found solace in losing parents. Oikawa didn’t go too much in detail, saying they died of the Spanish flu in 1918 would definitely raise suspicion. Nonetheless, the two setters became fast friends, attached at the hip. During breaks and meals, they would always sneak off to hang out. 

“Y’know Oikawa, you’re not as bad as you seem.” Suga said, a smile on his face. “You’re almost tolerable.” Oikawa rolled his eyes and gently shoved Suga’s shoulder.

“I could say the same for you Mr. Perfect.” Oikawa leaned back on his hands and looked up at the sky. The sun had started to set, lighting the sky with beautiful shades of orange and purple. You’d think after 100 years that if you’d seen one sunset you’d seen them all, but to Oikawa they were all magnificent.

“Y’know, my dad used to talk about a guy like you.” Suga said offhandedly. “Driven, kind, a stereotypical pretty boy.” Oikawa felt the blood drain from his face. How could he know? Itsuki had promised to keep it a secret- “He was my dad’s babysitter when he was a kid. I think he was about 14 years older than my dad though… I wish I could’ve met him.”

“That was my uncle. He loved everyone he came in contact with. Never had a bad word to say about anyone.” Oikawa tried to ignore his heart pounding in his ears. He had sworn he’d never tell anyone his secret- Sugawara Itsuki had been an exception. They’d kept in contact for a long time after Oikawa had left but eventually Itsuki had stopped reaching out- Oikawa realized now that it was probably due to his illness. 

“He must have been something else. My dad talked about him all the time. He said your uncle was one of a kind.” Oikawa could feel Suga’s eyes on him. Too close. Sugawara was too close now. Oikawa wanted to run. He wanted to find a way to never see Sugawara Koushi again. He couldn’t handle this. He had to run, there was no other option-

“Hey, Oikawa!” 

Oikawa’s head snapped around, his eyes landing on Iwaizumi. He had a hand on his hip and his eyebrows were set. He felt a chill run down his spine… was he in trouble?

“What’s up Iwa-chan?” Oikawa asked, ignoring the anxiety pooling in his stomach.

“Let’s talk.”

\-----

“So, you want me to be your official setter?” Oikawa felt a weight lift off his chest. So that was all.

“Only if you want to, of course. You’re incredibly talented, Oikawa. You’d be a great asset on Seijoh’s team. What do you say?” Iwaizumi said, his eyes were full of hope. Oikawa sighed and ran a hand through his hair. It was a tough decision, putting himself in the public eye. If his picture were to be taken and circulated-

“I’ll do it.” Despite every bone in his body telling him not to and even with everything that was at stake- Oikawa knew one thing. He just wanted to play volleyball. “I’ll join your team.” 

Iwaizumi grinned. He hadn’t expected an answer so soon, but this would do fine. They could work with this, no sweat. They could dominate. 

“Alright, it’s time to head home. Make sure you say your goodbyes and get phone numbers from whoever you want to keep in touch with.” Iwaizumi slapped him on the shoulder. “You’ve done good this week, Oikawa. For someone who hasn’t played in a long time, you really held your own out there. You should be proud of yourself.” 

Oikawa smiled and looked toward the buses. What a week it had been. He pulled out his phone and texted Suga. 

_Hey Ko-chan! It’s Oikawa. It was nice to meet you, we need to hang out soon._

He put his phone back in his pocket and followed Iwaizumi back to the bus. They loaded up, Oikawa by the window and Iwaizumi in the aisle. 

“Hey, Oikawa. Didn’t your hair used to be longer? I could’ve sworn it wasn’t this short when you got to school last week.” Iwaizumi said, gently holding a section between his fingers. Oikawa’s eyes widened- the last time his hair had been any longer than this was when he had been with Shin, so how- “ah maybe that was just another dream, like the knee injury hunch.” He followed up, an easy smile on his face.

_Another dream?_ He thought. _What does he mean ‘another dream’?_ As Oikawa leaned against the window to fall asleep something caught his eye. Matsukawa and Hanamaki were all over each other. Hanamaki was in his lap and their faces were close. Oikawa groaned in disgust and leaned in to Iwaizumi.

“How do you put up with that shit, Iwa-chan? It’s so-”

“Are you on that again, Oikawa?! I’ve already told you. They’re my friends. I love them regardless. If you don’t shut the fuck up about the fact that they love each other I am going to smack you.” Iwaizumi gritted out, clenching his fists. He was sick of this rhetoric. They continued the rest of the bus ride in silence, their backs to each other. Oikawa didn’t get why it made him so angry. He was just stating his opinion. As they pulled up to the school, Oikawa realized he had another drive that would most likely include the silent treatment as well. 

The four walked to Matsukawa’s car in silence, Oikawa fidgeting with his hands. They sat in the car in silence as Matsukawa drove. Iwaizumi and Oikawa squished to their respective sides of the car. Matsukawa looked into the rearview and sighed.

“Did something happen between you two? You haven’t so much as looked at each other since we got in the car.” He said, giving them a concerned look. Iwaizumi scoffed and met eyes with Matsukawa in the mirror.

“It’s between us, Matsukawa. Don’t worry about it.” Iwaizumi’s voice was lined with malice and Oikawa felt himself flinch. He never wanted to have Iwaizumi mad at him. It made his heart ache. But why…? Oikawa let his eyes drift to Iwaizumi’s face. It looked so familiar… the way his eyebrows were furrowed and the way his lips were set into a frown and-

_\-----_

_“Shinobu don’t look at me like that. I said I was sorry I didn’t-” Oikawa met Shinobu’s eyes and swallowed his words. The intense green was enough to stop anyone in their tracks. Shinobu pinched the bridge of his nose and groaned._

_“Tooru, listen to me. I understand you are sorry but you still hurt me. I’m allowed to be upset with you for the time being.” He said, taking a deep breath._

_“I- I know I just- tell me how to fix it, don’t look at me with those eyes. You look at me with those eyes and I crumble.” Oikawa looked at his features. His strong jaw, his soft spiky hair. His beautiful green eyes-_

_“Just give me time, love. Just give me time.”_

_\-----_

Oikawa’s breath hitched in his throat. That was why everything about Iwaizumi felt familiar. That was why being with him felt like home- it suddenly felt like the walls of the car were caving in on him. He couldn’t- he couldn’t be like _them_. He couldn’t be. 

“Oikawa? Are you alright?” Hanamaki asked, turning to look at him. Oikawa couldn’t focus. He couldn’t think. The car pulled to a halt outside Iwaizumi’s house and Oikawa wasted no time in getting out. He didn’t look at either of them as he raced inside, giving Iwaizumi’s mom a small greeting as he bounded up the stairs and into the bathroom. As he looked at himself in the mirror, he gasped. He had crows feet by his eyes and a few stray gray hairs. The dreams, the memories, they were all starting to make sense. Falling together like the last pieces of a puzzle.

Oikawa Tooru was aging again. He was aging again because of Iwaizumi. Matsukawa. Hanamaki. Sugawara. He had been waiting for this, and yet now that it was here he didn’t want it. He felt like he was drowning. He heard heavy footsteps on the stairs and as he turned to see who it was, his world went black.

\-----

When he woke up he was surrounded by a few different people and it was blindingly bright. Iwaizumi’s mom was on his right, along with his little sister. Sugawara was on his left and Iwaizumi was at the foot of his bed. He blinked a few times and winced, large amounts of pain shooting out from his neck.

“Oh, no, honey don’t move. When you fell you hit your head on the countertop, it was quite a mess. You about scared my sweet Hajime to death-” 

“Mom!” Iwaizumi interjected, looking like a deer in headlights. Oikawa let out a soft smile and closed his eyes. 

“Thank you all for being here.” He said hoarsely. His arms and legs were aching but he figured that was just due to impact with the floor. “How long have I been out?”

“Just a few days. Iwaizumi called me immediately, he said he knew we hadn’t been friends long but that I might want to know and he was right. What happened, Oikawa?” Suga looked so neutral, it was kind of unnerving. 

“I- it’s hard to explain.” Oikawa said softly, looking at his lap. How was he supposed to tell them that he’d had a panic attack because of… himself?

“Well, I’m taking Kaiya and Iwaizumi to go get some food. He’s barely left your side since you got here, I told him he needed to still take care of himself but he wouldn’t listen. I’m just a mom, what do I know.” She said, cutting Iwaizumi a look and nodding towards the door. “We’ll be back later, Tooru.” With that, she turned around and left, taking Kaiya with her.

Sugawara and Oikawa sat in silence for a bit before Suga let out a shaky breath. Oikawa looked at him, anxiety coursing through his veins. Then, to his surprise, Suga’s arms were around his shoulders.

“You scared the hell out of me, you know that?” he said, giving Oikawa a soft squeeze. Oikawa relaxed into Suga’s arms and hugged him back.

“I’m sorry, Ko-chan. I really don’t know what happened.” He lied, keeping his tone even. Suga pulled back and met his eyes, his expression steely.

“Did you try and overdose?” He asked, staring directly into Oikawa’s eyes. A chill ran down his spine and he shook his head.

“No, Ko-chan. I don’t do drugs, I’ve never done drugs.” Oikawa could feel sweat beading on his neck. Why was he so nervous? Maybe because Sugawara was close, closer than anyone to finding out the truth about him. 

“Okay, Oikawa. I believe you.”

After that they spent hours talking about any and everything. Sugawara talked about Karasuno, his team, his captain, and his family. Oikawa talked vaguely about his past and his family, but he also talked about his love for aliens and how he absolutely did not fuck with spirits. 

“What do you have against spirits?” Suga asked, tilting his head at Oikawa. Oikawa swallowed nervously.

“I made a wish once, a while back. It came true, and it’s been haunting me ever since.” he said, not looking Suga in the eye. It wasn’t even a lie. The first at least half truth he’d told in a while.

“What’d you wish for?” Suga asked, raising an eyebrow.

“That, my dear Koushi, is a secret that I’ll save for later.” Oikawa replied, leaning his head back on the pillow. He may just tell Sugawara. Maybe he’ll tell him everything one day. For now though… he’d keep it to himself. 

“You kept calling out for a… Shinobu?” Suga said, his voice uncertain. “I think that was the name.”

“He was… my best friend. We grew up together but uh- he died a while back.” Oikawa said, letting out a quick breath. Talking about Shin was never easy- especially now. 

“I’m sorry to hear that… is there anything I can do?” Oikawa shook his head and turned back to Suga.

“Nah.. just be there for me?”

“Of course.”

\-----

[TW for homophobia, internalized homophobia, use of the f-slur, fighting, blood]

September rolled around faster than any of them had expected, throwing them back into school. Oikawa hadn’t been in a structured school like Seijoh in a long time. It was weird to actually learn new things in new ways.

“So Oikawa, you’ve been here for about two months now,” Makki said, shooting him a smile. “Is there any way we’ll be able to convince you not to tuck tail and run when your birthday rolls around?”

Oikawa sighed and clenched his fist. They’d been asking this every week for the past two months and he was tired of it.

“I don’t fucking know, okay? That’s what I’ve been saying all fucking summer and it’s still the truth. I haven’t made the choice yet because I have no idea where I’ll be come March. So just fucking drop it.” Oikawa spat. He was livid. He’d said he’d give them his decision by the end of December and now it was mid September. 

“Jesus, Oikawa. Calm down. It was just a question-” Mattsun was clearly trying to diffuse the situation but Oikawa was seeing red.

“Yeah, a question you’ve been asking me for weeks! I already said I didn’t fucking know many times.” Oikawa let out a breath. The way they held each other. The looks they shared- it reminded him too much of Shin. Too much of the way he shouldn’t be- the way he was. What he hated himself for. “But you fags won’t fucking drop it.

Matsukawa grabbed him by his collar and pulled him close. “What the fuck did you just say?” he snarled, seething with rage. Oikawa lifted his chin in defiance, his eyes stony. Why was he doing this? Why was he trying to antagonize Matsukawa like this?

“I said you’re a fucking fag.” next thing he knew he was on the ground and he could feel blood dripping from his nose. “Did you just fucking punch me?” he had little time to recover before another blow was delivered to his face. Then his side. Oikawa just laid there and took the pain. He deserved this. He had started this whole thing, spouting words he didn’t mean.

“You’ve been like this the whole time. Always giving us dirty looks and whispering comments. Iwaizumi tried to protect us but you’re just-” Matsukawa took a breath and looked down at Oikawa with contempt, cradling his dominant hand. “You need to reevaluate yourself, Oikawa. You think you’re so much better but the truth is,” he leaned down, their faces inches apart, “you’re just like us.”

Oikawa stayed on the ground. He could feel the bruises forming on his sides and his eye. This would definitely hurt in the morning.

“You’re just like the fags you hate. We all see the way you look at Iwaizumi. Everyone sees it. Except for you, apparently.”

Hanamaki just stood there, wide eyed. He didn’t know what to do. He was frozen. 

“What the hell happened?!” Iwaizumi asked, running over. He’d gotten caught up talking to his teacher about extra study time and needless to say he had not been expecting to come back to this.

“Oikawa talked shit, so I fucking hit him.” Matsukawa said, cradling his hand. His knuckles were aching. “Called me the f-slur. Both of us, actually.”

Iwaizumi set his jaw and looked down at Oikawa. He was furious.

“I gave you so many chances to change, Oikawa. You wasted all of them. You need to find a new place to stay, I’m sure Sugawara would be happy to do it.” Iwaizumi pulled him up and Oikawa swore he could see a glimpse of sadness in his eyes. “You can keep everything I’ve given you- the clothes and the shoes and all that but I can’t let you stay in my house anymore.”

Oikawa nodded, pulling out his phone and texting Sugawara.

_I really fucked up, Ko-chan. I need a place to stay._

_I’ll pick you up. Where are you?_

He followed them to Matsukawa’s car in silence. He’d regretted every word that came out of his mouth as soon as they did but he couldn’t take them back; however, he knew that if he tried to apologize now none of them would believe him. His words hadn’t been directed at Matsukawa- everything he had said had been what he’d wanted to say to himself. He was a disgrace. He was nothing. But Matsukawa was right. He acted the way he did to bury his feelings. 

“Stay here, Oikawa. I’ll grab your things.” Iwaizumi said as they pulled up. Oikawa nodded sullenly and slid out of the car. He could feel both Hanamaki and Matsukawa’s eyes on him. He didn’t know what to do. If they’d ever even forgive him. He kept wondering as he watched the tail lights of Matsukawa’s car fade into the distance.

In that moment, he made a promise to himself. He wouldn’t reach out to them again. Not until he was better. A better person. A better friend. Iwaizumi came back down with a duffle bag of his things. As he handed it off, their fingers brushed and electricity coursed through Oikawa’s body. If Iwaizumi felt it too, he showed no signs. 

“Suga will be here soon,” Oikawa said, looking at the ground. “Go inside. I don’t want you to-”

“Shut up, Oikawa. Just shut up.” Oikawa snapped his mouth shut and fiddled with the hem of his shirt. He winced as it pulled against the giant bruise on his side. Iwaizumi sounded angry. More angry than Oikawa had ever seen.

“I’m sorry.” He said, keeping his eyes trained down. “I-”

“Don’t give me some crap ass apology. I don’t want to hear any bullshit excuse. You’ll only dig yourself deeper.” Iwaizumi’s arms were crossed against his chest and his mouth was set into a hard frown. “And… don’t come back to the volleyball club.” 

Sugawara pulled up and gasped when he saw Oikawa. His right eye was swollen shut and dark purple, not to mention all the covered bruises. Oikawa wiped the dried blood from his nose and looked at Iwaizumi for a brief second before sliding into Suga’s car. As they pulled off Oikawa turned to look at Iwaizumi one last time, only to be met with the sight of his back as he walked away. 

“I- what happened Oikawa?” Suga asked, glancing quickly at the battered boy in his passenger seat. 

“I lashed out at Matsukawa and Hanamaki, I-” Oikawa started hyperventilating. The reality of his actions was crashing down on him and he felt like he was suffocating. “I hated them because I hated myself, Koushi, I- How can I- I’m-”

Suga pulled over and grabbed Oikawa’s hands. He was so concerned but he had no idea what to do.

“I- I can’t do this. I can’t be gay- how can I be 119 years old and gay I-” Oikawa froze, his eyes wide. Suga didn’t look surprised, in fact he looked pleased.

[end TW]

“So it is you.” he said, pulling a picture out from his center console. “I found this picture after the training camp. I figured ‘there’s no way it’s Oikawa. His name is Hibiki not Tooru-’ but then it occurred to me. If someone were to live more than one lifetime, they’d probably use an alias.” 

Oikawa stared at the dashboard. So this was really happening. Oikawa took the picture between his fingers and gasped. This had been on Itsuki’s 22nd birthday. They had gone out together for the night to blow off steam. Oikawa had almost forgotten about it. The time he’d spent as Itsuki’s friend had been nice. It had been so relieving to have someone to confide in about his immortality.

“I chose the name because it means Echo. These past few years it seemed like that’s all I was. Just an echo of my old self, destined to bounce around with no definite end.” Oikawa mumbled, staring out the window.

“...what was the wish you made?” Suga asked softly, gently resting a hand on Oikawa’s shoulder. Oikawa winced. Every part of him was aching.

“I wished that I’d never age unless I was truly happy. I figured it was an old wives tale. That nothing would happen- but then as everyone around me got older, I stayed the same. Except with Shinobu. He- he made me feel alive.”

“I see… Did he happen to-” Suga started, his voice soft.

“Look exactly like Iwaizumi? Why yes, yes he did.” Oikawa interrupted, trying to steady his breathing. “And at first it threw me off. But the more we talked and hung out the more I think I started falling for him and now-” Oikawa’s eyes went wide and he clapped a hand over his mouth.

“...you were falling in love with Iwaizumi?” Oikawa swallowed thickly and turned back to his friend.

“Yes, but after what I did- what I said to Mattsun and Makki I don’t think they’ll ever forgive me, I-”

“You need to start with an apology. Forgiveness takes time. You’ll just have to show that you can accept them and love them, no matter what.”

“I can’t even accept myself yet, Koushi.” Oikawa whispered, tears welling in his eyes. “How can I prove to them-”

“You already regret it, don’t you?” Suga interrupted, pulling the car back onto the road.

“Yes, of course I do. I-”

“Then you’ve already started making progress. You have to make yourself uncomfortable to begin to see change within yourself. You’ll be okay, Oikawa. I promise.”

\-----

As December rolled around, Oikawa and Suga had been working together on a variety of different things. Not only his self image, but coming to terms with his sexuality. It still made him nervous using any real label, but he was getting there.

He’d apologized to Matsukawa, Hanamaki, and Iwaizumi in early-October. It went well enough. They even let him return to the volleyball club. There was no hugging and immediate forgiveness, but there was an acknowledgement that in time they could be friends again. Oikawa was never one to rush things nowadays. He figured he had all the time in the world to wait. As he sat alone eating his lunch, his mind wandered to his apology…

_“I was prejudiced, and because of that I wanted to change the people around me. Now I- I can’t say that I’m wise but I want to change myself. I am sorry for my actions and my words and the hurt that I caused all of you. Especially to Matsukawa and Hanamaki. I don’t expect forgiveness, nothing of the sort I just- I wanted to let you all know how much I regret what I did. I hope eventually you’ll let me be your friend again, even if it takes years.”_

Oikawa sighed and leaned back in his desk. It hadn’t been the most eloquent apology, but it had been honest and real. Their response echoed in his ears.

_“You regret it and you’re owning up to it. That’s all we needed to hear.”_

After that he had continued to give them space. The last thing he wanted would be to come back before they wanted him to so instead, he was waiting. Hanamaki texted him occasionally, he was really kind and worked with Suga to help Oikawa accept who he was. Oikawa made the decision to spread light on the subject of his past to Hanamaki, telling him everything about his wish and the life he’d been living.

After the initial shock, he took it fairly well. Better than most people would have. It was nice to have someone to give a small smile to in the hallway for once. Oikawa stared out the window and sighed. It was so quiet today.

“Oi, Shittykawa!”

_Or not._

Oikawa turned to see Iwaizumi, Hanamaki, and Matsukawa walking towards him. He ignored the butterflies in his stomach and gave them a small smile. Seeing the three of them together still made him a bit nervous. 

“Why’re you eating all by yourself?” Hanamaki asked, giving him a reassuring smile. Oikawa’s face flushed and he looked back out the window.

“Kinda hard to eat anywhere else when everyone you walk past has something to say.” Oikawa responded lightly, masking the pain in his voice. He didn’t think it was unjustified or that he didn’t deserve it, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. He felt a firm hand on his shoulder and he turned to see all three of them, their faces dark.

“People are still giving you a hard time, Oikawa?” Iwaizumi asked, his fingers digging into Oikawa’s shoulder. Oikawa gulped. He still wished he could take those few moments in time and erase them. Out of everything he’d done in 119 years, there was nothing he regretted more.

“I- yeah but it’s not a big deal I mean, I deserve it so I-”

“Oh stop with that bullshit you big fucking baby. You were an asshole. You apologized. We,” Matsukawa motioned between the three of them, “moved on. It’s not anyone else’s fight but ours and we’ve buried the hatchet so they need to give it a rest.”

Oikawa felt his heart twinge. Out of the three of them it had taken Matsukawa the longest to talk to him again which, frankly, was to be expected. The worst of Oikawa’s actions had been aimed towards him, so to hear him defending him, it made him feel… happy. 

“Is… is there anything that you guys needed from me?” Oikawa asked, unable to mask the fear he was feeling. The three of them together was a frightening sight to behold, especially when you weren’t on the best terms with them.

“Yes, two things,” Iwaizumi said, sitting backwards in the chair in front of Oikawa. “One, to have lunch with you because we’re sick of waiting for you to come to us.” Oikawa’s eyes widened. They had been waiting for him?

“And two,” Matsukawa interjected, “to invite you to a party that’s being held tonight near Tokyo. It's still cosindered Miyagi, but we figured that after all the stress of the last few months for us and the last hundred years for you-” Hanamaki slapped him and Oikawa’s eyes went wide.

“You told them?” He said, his voice barely above a whisper. Hanamaki looked like a deer in headlights.

“Oikawa, it was just a slip up I didn’t mean to-”

“Did you tell them everything?” he asked, voice rising in a panic. He backed away from them until he was against the wall. He slid down, hugging his knees. This couldn’t be happening. The only reason he’d survived so long was because no one knew his secret. He couldn’t focus… he felt like he could scream. Nothing felt real. He felt like he could be sick.

“Tooru, take a deep breath. Look at me, hey, look at me.” Iwaizumi was in front of him. Staring at him with those big green eyes-

“Shinobu? How- you died. In my arms I held you while you died how are you-” Oikawa’s head was spinning. Iwaizumi wanted to cry. So Hanamaki had been right. All that Oikawa saw him as was a reincarnation of a past love. That was all. 

“No, Oikawa hey, it’s alright. It’s me, it’s Iwaizumi-” A sobering wave of guilt crashed down on Oikawa like a waterfall.

“Iwaizumi I’m so sorry.” he said, his voice wavering. “I know you’re not Shin, I do. It’s just sometimes you look so much like him I- I’m so sorry.” Iwaizumi looked at Makki and Mattsun. Mattsun gently grabbed Makki’s elbow and escorted him out. Iwaizumi was left alone to look at the crumbling boy before him. Oikawa’s face was slick with tears and it made Iwaizumi’s heart clench. 

“It’s alright Oikawa-”

“No, it’s not alright! You shouldn’t be having to take care of me- not after the way I-” his own sob cut him off and he hit his head against the wall. 

“Oikawa you’re allowed not to be okay, you know.” Iwaizumi said gently. He’d never seen Oikawa act this… scared. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m sorry I-” Iwaizumi pulled Oikawa to his chest and pressed his lips lightly to his temple.

“No more apologies, Tooru. Just breathe with me, okay?” Iwaizumi started listing off random facts and details to try and keep Oikawa distracted. He whispered silly jokes and meaningless puns, all in an effort to help Oikawa calm down. After a while Oikawa’s breathing evened and Iwaizumi let out a soft breath.

“You’re not falling asleep on me there are you, Shittykawa? We still have a party to go to tonight.” He teased, gently pushing Oikawa to a sitting position. Oikawa let out a choked laugh and scrubbed at the tears in his eyes. 

“I never agreed to a party.” Oikawa said lightly, a small smile on his face. “Will there be drinks?”

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. 

“Don’t get drunk and make me drive your ass home.” Iwaizumi responded, standing up and extending a hand down. Oikawa looked at it for a second before taking it and letting Iwaizumi help him up. There had been more tension between them than usual in the past months- partially due to the fight with Matsukawa and partially due to their feelings for one another that they both refused to acknowledge.

“Thanks for- thanks for being here.” Oikawa said quietly, looking at his hands. “...so did Makki tell you-”

“Everything.”

“Oh.” Oikawa said, hating the shame burning in his chest. He couldn’t read the look in Iwaizumi’s eyes and it made him nervous. Iwaizumi sighed and shook his head.

“So Shinobu was never a girl.” He said. It wasn’t a question. Oikawa blushed and looked out the window.

“No. It’s been a hundred years, and I guess it was just easier for my subconscious to-”

“Give you internalized homophobia and make your first love a female for convenience purposes?”

“Something like that.. The truth is that I really didn’t remember anything about him. I just knew his eyes were this brilliant green and that he had the most gentle hands.” Iwaizumi was thankful that Oikawa wasn’t looking at him because his cheeks were burning. “My memories are better now and I’ve come to realize that you two- you have the same… everything.”

“I see.” 

Now it was Oikawa’s turn to blush and he was glad he was turned away. He heard rustling and looked toward Iwaizumi.

“Be ready at 7. I’m picking you up.” he said, starting towards the door.

“I’ll see you then, I guess.” Oikawa was confused by the sudden shift in attitude as he watched Iwaizumi walk away. “Bye Iwa-chan.”

“I’ll see you then, Oikawa.”

\-----

Oikawa looked at himself in the mirror and let out a content sigh. He felt like he was getting older, but other than his hair becoming lined with greys there was no real way to tell.

“Who knows,” he muttered, “for all I know it’ll all hit me at once and I’ll collapse before their eyes.”

He ran his hands down his shirt, flattening out the stray wrinkles. He didn’t know what kind of party it would be, but he knew that if there was going to be alcohol he was going to get absolutely trashed. Sugawara had had to take him shopping to get some nicer clothes because he ‘had to look presentable no matter the type of party’.

The sound of a car horn honking jolted him out of his thoughts. He made his way outside to find Iwaizumi in his new car. It was a raven black 1970 ford mustang and it was beautiful. He walked to the passenger door and leaned on the open window to look at Iwaizumi.

“Beautiful car you got here.” He said, but truthfully he was distracted by how good Iwaizumi himself looked. He was wearing a white button down with the sleeves rolled to his elbows and a few buttons undone near the top. Oikawa felt breathless.

“Are you just gonna stare or are you gonna get in?” Iwaizumi asked, looking up at him. Oikawa just nodded and slid into the passenger seat. From that point on Oikawa never looked directly at Iwaizumi, he would only steal glances. He didn’t want to get caught staring.

“You’re being oddly quiet, Oikawa.” Iwaizumi said, giving him the side eye.

“I just don’t have much to say is all.” Oikawa responded, staring at the dashboard. The car pulled to a stop and Iwaizumi sighed. 

“We’re here. Don’t cause too much trouble.” 

“Me? Cause trouble? As if.” Oikawa said, giving him a wink. “Even if I do, I’ve got my pretty boy to save the day.”

“Don’t do that shit if you don’t mean it.” Iwaizumi said, his tone serious. Oikawa hadn’t realized that would strike a nerve. He felt like disappearing.

“Sorry, Iwaizumi.”

They entered the party and were immediately swallowed by sound. Oikawa could feel the bass thumping in his chest. It was almost overwhelming. He didn’t know where to start-

“Hey Iwaizumi! Fancy seeing you here.” Oikawa remembered his face from the training camp, but he couldn’t remember his name.

“Akaashi? What are you doing in Miyagi?” Iwaizumi’s eyes were wide. Oikawa felt a pang in his heart as the two embraced. _Akaashi. The ex._

As the two boys talked, Oikawa wandered off in search of a drink. The last thing he wanted was to see Iwaizumi interact with someone he used to date. He found the kitchen quickly and downed the strongest thing he could find. Then again. And again. At this rate he’d be drunk in an hour. 

Hours passed and the next thing Oikawa knew his shirt was half off and he was in the middle of the dance floor, sweating, having the time of his life. His head felt fuzzy but he didn’t care. He was just having a good time. Until he felt someone’s hands on his hips and someone’s body pressed to his.

“Hey, get off me!” he exclaimed, pushing the person off, panic sobering him momentarily. The guy had his eyebrows set and he looked scary. Oikawa froze. What was he going to do? How could he get himself out of this?

“Tooru, there you are. Come on, it’s time to go.” Iwaizumi said, his voice calm and level. “You’ve had too much to drink.” he whispered once his arm was securely around Oikawa’s waist. Oikawa leaned heavily onto him. He hadn’t quite realized just how tired he’d gotten.

They walked away from the brute and Iwaizumi sighed. “What did I say about making me drive you home because you were drunk, huh?”

“To not do it.” Oikawa giggled, heavily intoxicated. “I knew you’d do it anyway. Because you love me.” Iwaizumi tensed up but continued walking Oikawa to his car. “But that’s okay because I love you too. I love your pretty green eyes. They’re so dark and beautiful. Nothing like Shin’s. His were light, more like peridot. You have emerald eyes, Haji. Pretty emerald eyes.”

“You’re drunk, Oikawa.” Iwaizumi said, trying to change the subject.

“Mhm.” Oikawa said happily. “Only reason I can get drunk is because I’m happy. My body’s aging again. I can be affected by outside substances.” he was interrupted by a hiccup. “But that doesn’t change the facts, pretty boy. I love you, truly. Not because of Shin or anything of course. You’re just so nice and you treated me kindly and you’re so, so attractive I don’t know what to do with myself half the time.”

Iwaizumi’s ears were burning as he slid Oikawa into the passenger seat of his car. He walked around the car and sat in the driver’s seat with a huff. He turned to say something but Oikawa’s face was less than an inch from his. Iwaizumi felt like he was in a dream. He gently pushed Oikawa away and swallowed the lump in his throat.

“That’s really sweet and all, Oikawa, but I wish you were sober.” Iwaizumi put the car in reverse and started backing out. He could feel Oikawa’s eyes ogling him.

“You look really sexy when you drive.” Oikawa slurred, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. Iwaizumi shook his head and continued the drive to Sugawara’s house, ignoring the ache in his chest that accompanied looking at his sleeping friend. He shook his head, pulling to a stop at a light. 

“God I wish you were sober.” he said under his breath. “Maybe then it would’ve been real.”

\-----

Oikawa woke up to bright lights and a screaming headache.

“Morning sunshine. Iwaizumi told me you drank like a monster last night.” Sugawara said, a smile on his face. He handed Oikawa a bottle of water. Oikawa took it and drank the whole thing as the memories from the night before flooded back. His eyes went wide.

“Suga I have to go over there.” he said, panic setting in. “I have to go talk to Iwa right now.” Suga’s eyebrows furrowed and looked toward the window.

“It’s been snowing since about 1 this morning. Impossible to drive in. How are you going to get there?” He asked. Oikawa was already in motion, pulling his shoes on and grabbing the hat that Sugawara’s mom had given him.

“I’ll walk if I have to.” Suga’s jaw dropped.

“Oikawa can’t it wait? You’ll freeze to death!” his objections were futile, however, because Oikawa was already out the door.

Sugawara had not been kidding. It was freezing out here and the snow was coming down with a driving force. Oikawa trudged onward. What would’ve normally been a twenty minute walk ended up being closer to an hour. The bottom of his shoes kept getting stuck in the snow. Eventually he managed to get to Iwaizumi’s house, his nose and ears were bright red and his lungs were aching from the cold. He could barely feel his fingers or his toes. It hurt to lift his arm as he knocked on the door. When Iwaizumi opened it Oikawa felt a wave of relief wash over him.

“You answered.” he said weakly. Iwaizumi’s eyes went wide and he pulled Oikawa into the house, quickly closing the door. 

“Oikawa what were you thinking?! It’s freezing out there, and with all the snow you could’ve frozen to death.” Iwaizumi exclaimed, running to grab the heaviest blanket they had. He wrapped Oikawa in it and picked him up, carrying him over to their space heater and setting him down. He could feel Oikawa shivering against his chest and he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

“I had… to see you.” Oikawa said, taking his arm out from under the blanket and lifting his hand to Iwaizumi’s face. His fingers hadn’t even touched Iwaizumi’s skin and he could feel the cold radiating off of them. “I- I needed to tell you that I… I remember last night. All of it.”

Iwaizumi didn’t respond.

“You- have always been so beautiful. Not because of Shin, but because of you. Because of your heart and your passion.” Oikawa said, hating the way his teeth chattered as he talked. He gently placed his hand on Iwaizumi’s cheek. “I love you because despite everything I put you through you still let me come around. Because there is no one that makes me happier than you do.” Oikawa paused for a moment when he realized Iwaizumi wasn’t engaging. “This time I’m sober, Hajime, but either way it’s true. I’m in love with you because you made me feel like I could be something. That I could be more than a stupid wish I made one hundred years ago. You made me feel like there was something worth living for for the first time in 100 years, but mainly I love you because you’re _you_ , Haji. The way you always take care of everyone around you in your own way. The way you aggressively care for your friends. I know I’ve done nothing to warrant you returning my feelings, if anything you have every right to shoot me down, but I just- I needed you to know it wasn’t just the alcohol last night. It was me.”

“Oikawa.”

“I-in... in another life you were mine- and I- I lost you back then. I don't think I can handle doing it again. You were the one that got away, Iwa. The first love of my life. When Shin- when he died I had just made a wish. I wished that-"

"You wished that you'd never age unless you were happy." Iwaizumi said softly,. "I… I remember."

"Exactly... and so losing you- losing _him_ I didn't think i'd ever be happy again. and then.. suddenly you were back in my life, and I felt old, and weary and sad and I didn’t even remember him- but seeing your face, I-" oikawa took a deep breath. "fate somehow brought me hope inside my heart."

“Oikawa.”

“I know, I know,” Oikawa swallowed nervously, letting his hand drop. “You deserve someone better than me, I-”

“Shut up. Let me speak.” Oikawa closed his mouth and looked up at Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi took a breath and ran a hand through his hair.

“There’s been a definite shift in you, Oikawa. From the very beginning I could tell you were suppressing something deep within you. What exactly it was, I wasn’t sure, but now I know it was many things. I knew your bravado and that bullshit tough guy act was a facade, I just didn’t know how to call you out on it.” he paused, looking up at the ceiling. “Even so, I could see you weren’t ready to face whatever part of yourself you were hiding.”

“Iwaizumi, I-”

“I’m not done. There was always something about you, Tooru. You’re intoxicating. Beautiful. That’s just how it is. But there’s more to it than that. Your heart belongs to everyone you meet. You have a genuine connection with everyone you come in contact with. When you’re not being an asshole you bring out the best in each of them and it’s truly incredible. It’s one of the many things I love about you.” He said casually, keeping his eyes up. Oikawa felt the blood drain from his face.

“You… what?”

“THe way you double up stretches on your right knee… or how you always fidget with your hair when you're nervous. the alien themed everything everywhere. You're beautiful, Tooru… and I- I love you too." 

Oikawa’s hands found their way back to Iwaizumi’s face and tilted it down so they were looking at one another. Iwaizumi flinched at the feeling of Oikawa’s cold palms. 

“You’re serious?” he said softly, lips grazing against Iwaizumi’s. He could hear his heart beating in his ears.

“Deadly.” Iwaizumi whispered. The proximity was driving them both insane. 

“Can I kiss you?” Oikawa asked, tilting his head upwards.

“Anyday.”

\-----

Today was Oikawa’s 45th birthday. Atleast, that’s what it was acceptable to say. He couldn’t help but smile as he watched his friends chat in his backyard. He’d found his truest happiness and now- now he’d never let it go.

“What’re you thinking about, love?” Iwaizumi asked, looping his arms around Oikawa’s waist. Oikawa looked down, admiring the matching bands on their ring fingers. It made his heart swell.

“The fact that I’m the luckiest man in the world.” Oikawa responded, turning to kiss Iwaizumi’s cheek. Iwaizumi rolled his eyes and looked up at his husband. 

“You’re going gray you know.” he teased, “you’re getting all old.”

“I’ve never been happier to grow old. Especially not if it means I get to have you by my side.” Oikawa said, a wide smile on his face.

“Come on, geezer, we have a party to attend.” Iwaizumi said, extending his hand.

“Dance with me?” Oikawa asked, taking Iwaizumi’s hand. Iwaizumi kissed his knuckles and smiled.

“Anyday.” 

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> me? not giving iwaoi an angsty ending? perhaps.


End file.
